blah... the emptiness of a christmas where i cant feel the warmth and joy i always knew before... how is it that emotions can run rampant and astray from no plausible reasoning? im happy but empty... joyous but aloof... i keep looking into the window, knowing just yesterday i was warm and cozy inside, smiling with true happiness shining in my eyes, wondering where all my spirit went.

everything i want is nothing i can attain through money or bribery. there is no words to describe this insatiable need that burns inside me, that cannot be satisfied as i walk amongst smiling faces emanating with more energy than i have known in months.... what happened to me? i was once the happy kid playing football and baseball on the street, bursting with excitement and curiosity. now, i walk through the crowds yet stand apart, unable to remember what it is to know innocence and pure happines- not forced, not twisted and wrenched out from a mask that seems to be plastered to my face.......

where did the little girl go that i saw in the mirror just yesterday